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I am a master of dating too quickly. My last ex and I became exclusive on our second date. Come to think of it, I did the same thing with the boyfriend before that.
Were those happy, healthy relationships? Am I still with them? Hard nope. It's always been difficult for me to know how to take a relationship slow. In the early days of dating someone new, boundaries are necessary, but they can be challenging to implement without seeming disinterested or freaked out. Asking for time and independence when you start dating someone can sometimes be intimidating, and has the potential to make your partner feel unwanted or unappreciated — but there are ways around this.
Healthy relationships require fully developed, secure people who are in no rush to get anywhere, because they know good things take time.
A partner isn't meant to satiate some deep hole inside of you that is desperate to be filled. They should be an enjoyable addition to your life — one that doesn't need to be developed at the speed of light in order to be maintained. So, take a breath. Settle in. As with all things in life, Winter says that when it comes to relationships, honesty is the best policy — even if it feels really scary.
If you want to take a relationship slow, taking the initiative to be honest about it will not only feel like a huge weight off your shoulders, but it will build trust between you and your potential new partner and show them early on the true depth of your character. That way, your new love interest will have less opportunity to take the slow pace personally and instead see it for what it is: a desire to actually get to know them instead of rushing into the relationship haphazardly. As long as you're willing to continue to honestly share your emotions and the relationship is progressing forward, you should have no problem slowing down your mate," Winter continues.
Consider this a good litmus test to determine if your potential partner can respect your needs. Radical honesty is great and all, but for those of us still working toward that level of emotional vulnerability with partners, slipping in some scheduling hurdles can be a useful tool for slowing down your relationship. The key to doing this diplomatically is to remember the golden rule: Whenever you take something away, you need to replace it with something else.
Instead of slowing down your relationship, you might accidentally bring it to a screeching halt. I'm going to a family event. Are you around the following weekend? I'll be out of town. Could we touch base when I come back and I have a better idea of my schedule? When it comes to a healthy relationship, remember, slow and steady wins the race.
It could also mean thinking through the end result of any action you take for example, those drunken texts or late-night booty calls. You're the one who sets the pace. You're the one who does the filtering in choosing the appropriate partner for your end goals. And you're the one who has command of yourself, your actions, and your emotions," Winter says. If you decide that you need to slow your relationship down, then go ahead and slow it down.
The right person will be happy to get to know you at any pace you need. Susan Winterrelationship expert.
This article was originally published on By Alison Segel. Updated: June 3, Originally Published: Aug. Be Honest.
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Here's How To Slow Down Your New Relationship So It Lasts